Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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