just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
