ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
