Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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