I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
