I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
