dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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