i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
