No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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