Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
