may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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