We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
