I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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