I need to stop coming to work sober
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
