i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
