dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
