theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
