I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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