all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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