Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
