Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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