He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
