i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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