Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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