So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
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You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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