but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
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You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize