This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize