I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
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All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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