i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
