covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
