Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Come share oat with me in your robe
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
