Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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