I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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