What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
