He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
