Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
