You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
