Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
