So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
