1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize