I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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