At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You are the jesus of drinking
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
