Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
