you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
