So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
