Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
