Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He kissed a someone with a penis
ugly people sure do ruin things
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
