Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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