You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
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The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
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I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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