glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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