my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
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