I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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