You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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