Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize