wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You smell like stripper and shame
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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