Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
