Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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