i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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