and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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