Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
