so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
