Don't make out with my wife yet
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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