your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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