have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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