went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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