She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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