eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
