So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
