Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
