sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
