Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
