Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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